i’m hopelessly romantic and optimisitic. i see the best in people. i can’t help it; i even find myself arguing with others, trying to defend the other person even if i don’t even have a real reason to.
but in today’s world, half the time people aren’t honest. they’re dishonest and low and mean, to put it simply. and i’m so nieve and trusting. i know bad things are out there, but i feel like i’m in a bubble, like “oh these things won’t happen to me.” but really, theres a very good chance they will. as my dad said, “you have a trusting nature, and you’re gonna get burned someday. i just hope its not too bad.” i have to learn to not trust sometimes. which is sad. the world wasn’t like this 20 years ago. and i could blame it on terrorism or the government or something. but really, i don’t know why people are bad. i don’t have a good reason for it. well…i like to think that in history people weren’t like this. that it was simpler, or more glamorous and good. but honestly, now that i think about it, humans have always been like this. its all circumstance. who you grow up with, your parents, your world. i could easily be a bad person too. but i’m not. or i hope i don’t grow up to be one. but even bad people aren’t all bad though- here’s my optimism- everyone has an angle, a bias, a reason for what they do. and even if its bad it all came from something. even murderers or people like that, they aren’t just labeled as an “evil murderer”. they probably grew up just like you and me. we’re all born the same. but something happened, something affected them. there’s a good side to their story too. but there’s a lot of chance involved. it also depends on personality too though, like how hard you can fight against fate. because i believe you can fight and win. there’s always a way out. just because you did something bad, people can change. if you fight hard enough, if you want it, you can become who you want to be. but then again, if your personality isn’t a fighter, well, that’s that. but something has to be going on up in your head. i hesitate to say “become the person you were meant to be”. because you could be meant to be anything. you think growing up you’re meant to be this, but life changes so fast something happens and suddenly you realize you’re “meant” for something else. there’s chance, and there’s you. its really up to you and how you deal with what life throws at you, good and bad, which determines who you are. the people and things around you are also a strong influence, but you do have control. me? i don’t know. this whole post is just me throwing my thoughts out there, trying to make sense of the world, find order. some people have religion, and i have some of that. but sometimes you need more. just to figure out how to deal with all the issues and problems and obstacles. its almost like life is one big obstacle, and you never really get past it. which is sad. i don’t really want to think of life that way. but life seems to be always throwing obstacles at you. probably more than the good times. but if the good times are really strong, i feel like that will help you keep moving through the obstacles. life shouldn’t be a constant battle. i know some people have it rough and have people or ideas they are battling with. but i feel like if you really know yourself and have your own order, you become at peace with life. you’re not fighting it. and somedays i’m fighting, somedays i’m not. i don’t have the balance yet. but thats also what lifes about. finding meaning and order. you’re not born with that. or everyone would have the same order. you find order after going through a lot in life, dealing with a lot of stuff. which will definitely vary in age. i didn’t say lots of years. just lots of stuff. particularly bad stuff…because if you have a lot of good stuff and little bad stuff, you can’t really understand how to deal with life and bad stuff. once you find out how to deal with bad stuff you can enjoy good stuff and eventually find peace in both good and bad. because its never going to be all good. but there is a balance. there’s no ideal or perfect though. once you have your way of understanding life and how it works (but you can’t understand all of it) and learning to roll with the stuff you can’t understand, you’ll have peace. and even though there will be bad times, it won’t be as bad because you understand it. this is just my opinion. its crazy and ranty but it makes sense in my mind. and i wanted to share it. just write down my thoughts as they came. plus its good to write. and thats what i’m doing. learning myself and writing. i can write my way to a conclusion, like i did here. and sometimes i didn’t like the final conclusion. and since this is my life, i want to like my ideas about it. so i write my way to a conclusion that works with me. one that i like. not necessarily safe or easy, but one that i like and agree with. i don’t like negative views on life. so i try to find a positive one. like when people say “from when you’re born, you start dying.” i don’t like that. that makes me sad. so i tell myself, “so, if i’m ‘dying’, then wouldn’t i want to ‘live like i was dying’? which this quote claims i am? so i would live every day to the fullest. and try not to regret if i didn’t though, because you really can’t live every day like that. i’d try to live without regret and guilt, but still smart.” thats my opinion. but i try not to think like that. and after all this philosophizing, its good to step back, now that you’ve gotten deep thinking out of the way, and go back to day to day life. eat a snack. watch tv. laugh with your family. spending too much time thinking and worrying and trying to organize stuff about life will make it easier for the real thing to slip away. so think sometimes, but don’t forget to live it. because that’s where the real answer comes from. not from sitting in your room, alone, typing to a screen. yeah, it helps, but now i’m going to step away. enjoy whats going on right now and try to not think about the future and order and life and death and the nature of humans. (good) authors do that, and they go crazy (sometimes). or they are very intelligent- because those are the ones who step back. who think once in a while. so now its time for me to step away from this deep thought and life pondering. i need to accept what i can’t change right now, and do my best to move on. day by day i’ll understand a bit more. and just keep on chugging. or maybe i won’t and it’ll all come to me years from now. i don’t know and i’m done wondering for now. breathe. ok. time to let go. for now. thanks for reading if thats what you’ve been doing.
Your life is your life. Don't let it be clubbed into dank submission. Be on the watch. There are ways out. There is a light somewhere. It may not be much light, but it beats the darkness. Be on the watch. The gods will offer you chances. Know them. Take them. You can't beat death, but you can beat death in life, sometimes. And the more you learn to do it, the more light there will be. You life is your life. Know it while you have it. You are marvelous. The gods wait to delight in you.